Just say no to drugs religion
March 19th, 2008
by Brian J. Sabel
Okay, let me start by saying that I am not a parent and am probably not even remotely qualified to address this subject. I suspect I’m setting myself up for some severe criticism, but here goes!
If you know very many atheist parents you have probably heard at least one of them say something like this: “I don’t want to impose my beliefs on my child so I just don’t talk about it. My child can make her own conclusions.” I have generally found this position to be reasonable and even prudent until very recently. And this is where I go out on the limb:
You’ve probably heard the public service announcement which says something like, “If you don’t talk to your kids about drugs, someone else will,” at which point a thuggish looking man steps up and makes an offer. The thrust of the PSA is that parents who do not discuss the dangers of drugs and how to deal with offers of drugs fail to prepare their children to make good decisions about drugs. Can the same be said about religion? By avoiding the topic of religion do we cede that facet of their lives to the door-to-door evangelists of the future?
I do not mean to imply that we should teach our children to believe that religion is inherently evil and that atheism is the ultimate truth. Firstly, most of us don’t believe in such an overly-simplistic view of religion. Secondly, it would rob the child of the same nuanced critical thinking skills we were trying to teach her in the first place. But the reality is that a classmate may ask your child to join her at a church retreat. To what extent and in what ways do you prepare her to deal with the things she will hear there?
March 20th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I have had certain struggles with this. I discuss religion with my daughter all the time, but I stress how important it is not to be a “religion hater.” Kids are mean enough - I don’t want my child marginalized or targeted just on the basis of what she believes.
March 20th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
That’s a good point that I had not considered in this context. How do you instill your values without making your child a target? Is there a way to kind of set the intellectual machinery in motion so that you can stave off religious encroachments without being overt and have your child come to reasoned conclusions at an age when she can properly defend herself? In short, can I have my cake and eat it, too?
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:42 pm
As a child of open-minded parents I thought it fit to reply to this post. My dad is agnostic and my mom is a Zen Buddhist. Children of religious families usually grow up with that religion as a part of their lives. My parents let me experience many of the major religions and non-religions and let me decide what I wanted to be at the age of 5 or 6. I chose atheism as my way of life, my sister chose spirituality. I thank my parents for this every day, even though I had been sometimes scrutinized at an early age by other children, I was able to live as an atheist, because I understood their religions. So I think it is very important to educate children about religion and non-religion.
March 31st, 2008 at 6:36 pm
I’ll share my experience with you. I have a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. Up until recent events occurred, my husband and I took the stance that we would wait until they are “older” and let them decide. However, when my Catholic mother-in-law mentioned a friend who ‘got sick and is with God now’ to my daughter and my daughter replied, “Is God a doctor?” (you should have seen my mother-in-law’s face!) my husband and I realized we can’t wait any longer to discuss it! Additionally, we had to attend a funeral with the children in tow shortly thereafter. We knew there would be A LOT of discussion about God and heaven. So we sat our kids down and told them what they would hear at the service and explained that we don’t believe in heaven or God but that other people do and that is okay. We tried to explain that just because we don’t believe in God we should still be respectful of everyone else’s beliefs. I do want my kids to decide for themselves but I’m certain that if we were to keep our opinions to ourselves that other people will tell them how things are and I’m not willing to let that happen
I hope that was coherent. I’m writing this with my son wiggling on my lap!
March 31st, 2008 at 8:52 pm
That was perfectly coherent and I think it’s pretty cool. In this society, those kinds of discussions can be very difficult and, as a result, frequently never happen. I think it is vitally important for parents to talk to each other about how they handle these questions because I can’t see that there are any easy answers to them. Just hearing how others have dealt with the issues can empower others to do the same.
(”Is god a doctor?” I LOVE it!)